Unlocked-lvl wrote:She needs slapped with the bible as the whole church uses her holes
Lauren_Land wrote:I’ll tell you what this Christian cunt needs. She needs Jesus. Inside of her. Isn’t that what they’re always telling you at church? That you need to invite Jesus inside? Well, here you go, girl.
I present thee with the Jackhammer Jesus.
A dildo in the shape of a cross.
With Jesus still nailed to said cross.
Wanna know what the best part about this gift is? Other than the fact that you’ll be screaming out Jesus’s name all the time now??? Can you guess? The best part of this gift is you can now have Jesus inside you and you don’t even have to pray!!
HOW FUCKING AWESOME IS THAT??!!
Also… A pastor buddy of mine said that if you squirt while using the Jackhammer Jesus it’s technically considered holy water. That sounds reasonable but I’m still trying to get a ruling on that one from the pope.
That was six months ago.
Not only is the pope not returning any of my calls but he’s also gone underground.Word on the street is he accidentally got his not-so-holy fist stuck in some altar boy’s colon and his entourage is trying to figure out how to extract it without creating a media frenzy.
I don’t know why they’re freaking out so much anyways. Shouldn’t they just pray about it? Isn’t that what they tell us to do?
Whatever.
We’re all going to hell anyways. Or at least I am after writing this post. Anyways bitch… Enjoy the Jackhammer Jesus! I hope it brings you closer to the Lord…
Later,
I wanna see immy use the jackhammer
Satan’s Slave
Fodge wrote:Well holy water from jackhammer jesus sounds good but does it squirt wine too when people run out of booze
Lauren_Land wrote:Fodge wrote:Well holy water from jackhammer jesus sounds good but does it squirt wine too when people run out of booze
Yes it does. It’s funny you should ask that...The Jackhammer Jesus actually takes a step further by including a function that turns water into wine. But it only works after the booze is gone. Can you believe it? I’ve looked everywhere inside the device and I can’t figure out how they do it. It must be a damn miracle!
Unlocked-lvl wrote:She needs slapped with the bible as the whole church uses her holes
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