What Would Billy Do?

[badbill92]

Bored fuck that I am, in the flak zone, I decided to go have a little talk with mother nature after dinner tonight. Now, I admit that this is a rather strange and odd story, but, it is the truth. So I got my shopping bag, my jacket, and my Old Navy hat, nearing dusk it is handy to nod and divert oncoming headlights. I walked down the road, in the ditch, admiring the beauty of nature in the setting sun.

At the store I bought four siloes of blue. Tucking them away in my flowery sack, I carefully and politely ambled back towards home, in the dim twilight.

Of course, traffic being what it is, cars kept whizzing off the road towards me for no reason, and thinking in the interest of the preservation of life, being something of a perceived threat in the community, and not wanting to harm precious life, I backed off the road in the bushes and let the unexplainable clusterfuck of angry motorists play out.

Proceeding back out onto the somewhat damp and rank ditch, an odd idea came to me. What the fuck was that movie ET? Little green man with skeletal fingers, appearing out of nowhere, befriending an outcast boy. And he's the only one who can see him, cause somehow ET can't be seen by grown-ups. Well a thought struck me. What's this #Censor alien goon in the shadows doing befriending little lonely boys in the night, and he won't introduce himself to mom and dad and have them take even a picture? Is he some kind of extraterrestrial weirdo pederast?

Well, this led to that and I got tired of bowing down and offering obeisance to passing motorists, so decided to take a somewhat safer shortcut across the back fields of my friendly neighbors. Hell, I used to always walk to my gradeschool catholic complex through the alleys in the ghetto. How much more dangerous could a walk through the backfields of an absent neighbor, Jessi's daddy's land, there in the early dusk, about 8:30PM?

And the next guy over is my buddy, and I am far out back. I stopped to ponder the idea of a cuddly jelly ET toy for lonely ., and had to sit and quench my thirst, speculating on the purpose of an edible jello teddy bear gummi, swilling gulps of Blue. Burping proudly, I got up and headed a hundred paces, probably less, to my own back field fence, nicely grown out with thorns and bushes.

Well, I reached the rusty barbed-wire strand topped horse fence, which years ago I pounded in myself, four full inches over on my own property line, so any dispute about tresspassing or fenceline dynamics with the neighbors would be ruled in my favor by the simple application of more surveying. I found a likely spot where the post felt strong, leaning fore and back to be sure the thing wouldn't break. Fuck, 41 years in the ground for the old metal fencepost suggests the potential for groundline rust weakening. I found a nice sturdy one out in the clear, hooked my satchel of beer over onto my side, and scrambled up to the top of the thing, swung my left leg over, and kinda locked myself there with crossed legs, riding my fence, now fully home. And yeah, there was another reason I took this path. The whole damned field there in the back of the neighbor's place smelled like there might be a rotting corpse dropped there by some passing rape-murderer, but by the time I was ambling over the area, it was dark, and even the powerful beam of my Maglite could see nothing in the tall grass.

Well, perched there as I was on my fence, I couldn't help but notice the pendulous nature of my position. Rocking back and forth, like some kind of upside-down swing. A smile cracked my happy lips. At almost the limit of the northward arc, a shot rang out, feeling at the same instant a slug slap the back center of my thick skull. I flew forward into an aerial summersault, meeting the grassy ground at the neck and rolled over, having enough rotational inertia to smartly spring to my feet in wonder. I face-palmed, and kinda shouted "Damn, Bob, good shot!" I felt for my hat, and looked down and snagged it from the ground, snapped it onto my head, jumped the fence with my head low to the ground in defense, crawling on all fours in the soft grass to a place well on my own land. Since the flashlight was scattered and I couldn't find my cold ones, even upon return inspection, having been snagged by the guilty party by then apparently. Well I made sure to congratulate the friendly neighbor on his rifle skills, who stood irked in his window with his family and some tan-uniformed military-type men.

Of course, on the way back to the back door, an IR nightscope shadow shone in the forsythia, so I turned and defensively walked across my backyard lawn right at it. Reaching the raspberry brake, I stopped and asked the assassin, all friendly like: "Why are you trying to kill me?"

A general rustle in the lawn, followed by a pitiful scream of terror, caused by clutching claws, with a flash mob of demons growing round, pulling her to my orchard, moaning in terror, "No...No...No...."

"Do you want to drag her down slow?" their division leader asked, in an authoritative voice.

"Well, yeah, kinda, but I don't want to wake mom and dad. How fast can you do it?"

"As fast as you want."

The cries of agony from her echoed off the clouds.

"As fast as possible then. Take her across the street to someplace soft. It's a farmfield anyway, probably make good fertilizer."

Another throng of similar creatures of the shadow tightened around her, dragged piecemeal hence from my land. When the motion stopped and she began moaning her forlorn death sigh, I gave a little countdown in my mind, "3,2,1, bye bye"

There was a slight frame snap in reality as the threat vanished, and I went back into my house, unmoved by the whole bizarre incident.